Thoughts Of My Heart: Election Fears

It's time to share my heart, or as much as I can permit myself to share. 

My fear in this election goes beyond human politics. It's a fear for where I stand in my faith, and a fear that I'm having to say goodbye to something beautiful and precious in November. 

I know what I believe about the end times from growing up Adventist. I see things that mirror the prophetic interpretation I'm familiar with. I see people, people I know and love, falling for the culture war battles and creating American Messiahs, as if we aren't explicitly told in Scripture that the kingdom of Heaven is not of this world. I see church and state beginning to merge, and Christians rejoicing over it. I see fingers pointed at worldliness and evil on the outside, but never any spotlight on the problems within. I see a country and people ready to tear each other apart. 

I see what I believe to be prophecy fulfilling. I see the signs. The end is near. Jesus is coming. 

I should be happy. 

I'm not. I'm afraid. 

I'm afraid of what's coming. I'm afraid for my friends and family who have fallen for the deceptions. I'm afraid of those who pay too much attention to the world and they don't seem to care or see that Jesus and Christianity are being horrifically weaponized and abused. I'm afraid for myself, because my faith is weak. 

I'm not just afraid. I'm heartbroken. Because if things play out how I believe they will, many of my dreams may not come true. 

I may not graduate college, have my own family, or travel. The same things that my Adventist identity has impressed upon me as critically important (education, marriage, children), the interpretation, if true, will take away from me. Within this is yet another fear, that my dreams have become idols and they're more important to me than Jesus. That my fear of the future tramples my love for Him.

There's a lot of talk in Christian circles about sacrifice and taking up one's cross, and while there's worth and value in that, I don't believe God intended the Christian walk to be entirely suffering and miserable. That has not been my experience. The biggest thing that I'm having to sacrifice isn't necessarily my dreams. It's my own heart. There's a difference. Sure, it would be a sacrifice to give up those dreams for the sake of Christ, but I believe those are dreams He gave me. I guess maybe it's true - He gives and takes away. 

It's something I'm praying about and trying to work on. But either way, it's painful. 

Whatever the answer or result - the time approaching, this election, is spiritual. Nothing scares or saddens me more than the realization that so many don't see that.