Michelle, from the Hebrew Michael - "who is like Yahweh?" Your name is a question, a question you pray will be answered with your life as you seek to be more like the One who made you. You're truly embracing the words of the apostle Paul that your Senior class chose for your theme during graduation - Philippians 3:13 - "forgetting what is behind, straining toward what is ahead". Yet you are learning to sit in the moment too, to be "content in all things", another theme of Paul's.
You are no longer the restless 17-year-old who wanted to be a year or two ahead of where she was. Nor would you want to be. Because beloved, you are so happy where you are right now.
You've just finished your third year at Southern, and you're thrilled because your grades and personal goals have exceeded the hopes you planted at the beginning of the semester. You're getting to stick around campus to work as a summer research assistant for the School of Religion, and you're so excited about the knowledge and experience it could give you. You're just barely over 6 months away from your wedding, and you lose thought of everything else every time you look into Jonah's eyes and remember how God wrote your love story.
You have been given amazing gifts, and amazing mentors. In high school, you were praised for being an excellent writer and speaker. Now you're at one of the best Adventist Universities in the country, perhaps in the world. You're the TA of the former President of the Adventist Theological Society. Alan and Nicole Parker, esteemed in Adventist circles, are your marriage counselors. You have learned preaching from Dr. Jud Lake, and he tells you that your natural speaking talent and passion have already made you an excellent expositor and narrative preacher, and you have so much potential. Dr. Bradley says he believes you have the gift of teaching, and that you will be an amazing religion teacher. Yet you're learning to take praise with humility, to give glory to God while embracing yourself and the gifts you have been given. You trust that He will help you become the best you can be, as a teacher, chaplain, and whatever else He makes you.
You have a wonderful family. While you don't feel as close with your dad since his retirement, and it's not always easy to make time for your mom when you both have busy lives, you love them, and you try your best. Your step-mom is your best friend, your sister is your biggest fan, and you have the security and normalcy in your step-family that you never experienced with those actually blood related to you. You're slowly but surely building close ties with your in-laws, and you even have gone from barely knowing how to have a conversation with your future mother-in-law to texting her almost every weekend and even sending her a Mother's Day gift.
You're rebuilding your social life, both in person and online. You've called CeCe often the last few months just to hear her voice. You rejoined the Living Room Lifegroup thanks to Dominic, and it feels like family - especially with Sam, Ally, and Angel. You've reconnected with your old friend Casey from academy, and you text with her regularly now. Alexander’s brotherly smirks always make you smile, and you wonder what he’s plotting next.
You saw Morgan in February, finally caught up with Eden, and reunited with Mafer and Kyndra after four years. You’ve built a bridge toward friendship with Mung and Caleb, your fellow Religious Ed majors, and their spiritual support already blesses you. You make bigger efforts to stay connected with the Groupsters, even though you're sad to see Mafer and Roo struggle with depression, yet you're grateful to stay so close to them. Melissa is finally returning from her student mission year, and you can't wait to catch up.
Beloved, you have so many friends, and yet only a few you hold very close. You're learning. Learning to choose the people who see and love the real you, to wisely distance yourself from those that refuse to or don't understand how. The few you have, you hold close, but prayerfully, not too close. Because you've learned that God gives and takes away, but He always gives back what He takes, only so much more and better than before. In the meantime, you're learning not to chase, but to trust. To choose. And beloved one, you're choosing well.
You have also, by the grace of God, healed. I know that 2022 and 2023 were so hard, but sweetheart, those years built you. Those heartbreaks, the disappointments, the not-yets, the mistakes, they have built you. You are not who you've been. If you or anyone else went looking for "Emmie Lee", they wouldn't find her. She's gone. Long gone. But they will know, in time, the soon to be "Michelle Dinger", who is so much more than a mere name. And yet, in many ways, younger you is still there. I just hope you remember, love her in spite of her mistakes. She was still growing up, and so are you. You have endured and overcome what life has dealt you so far - both the pain inflicted on you, and the wounds you have inflicted on others. You are learning to forgive those who hurt you, and you know that God has forgiven you for your own wrongs, even if they haven't. But I hope you never stop learning to forgive yourself - because you are the hardest person you've had to show grace to.
You are living a life marked by grace, growth, and resilience. Don't forget what Tara Tello told you three summers ago - "one day you will tell your story, and it will seem like the third person, because that is how deeply God will heal you". You have already experienced that deep healing in so many areas of your life. Never forget how far you've come. You’ve been raised from the depths to stand on solid ground, clothed in strength and dignity. Yet your journey isn’t finished. Keep choosing your circle wisely, loving without fear, and trusting the One who has led you this far.
Your story is still being written, and the best chapters are yet to come.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
